Coping with the Loss of a Pet
As dog parents, we have the luxury of experiencing the unconditional love, joy, and happiness that our babies bring to us. Since Happy Dog’s inception over 10 years ago, we have had the privilege of joining and creating a community that inspires the health and longevity of our beloved dogs' lives. Unfortunately, this beautiful gift ends much sooner than we are ready for.
We may not openly talk about pet grief in polite society, but most pet guardians know that a pet isn’t just an animal – They’re a beloved member of the family and a huge source of unconditional love, affection, and comfort. This is because, unlike most relationships, animals offer an organic connection that you don’t have to overthink or worry about. You love them and they love you – it’s that simple.
Having a furry companion has proven to benefit overall mental health and well-being. According to the National Institutes of Health, animals have the ability to boost your mood and increase feelings of social support. A 2021 study also found that having an animal in your home can help lessen social isolation and ease loneliness. “An animal is kind of an extension of you,” Niloo Dardashti, PhD, says a New York–based psychologist and cofounder of the Manhattan Psychology Group. “They follow you, sit with you, and mirror you. It becomes a very symbiotic relationship.”
So how do we get over the devastating feeling when they’re not there to greet us at the door anymore? Below are four tips to help you move through your grief.
Be Patient With Yourself
Grief is a complicated process. You might wake up one day feeling good, but by lunch you’re not able to fight your tears back. These waves of emotions are perfectly normal — you’ve experienced something terrible and “feeling normal” takes time. A 2019 study examined the grief timeline in 82 people who lost a pet. About 25% experienced intense grief for 3 to 12 months, 50% for 12 to 19 months, and 25% for 12 to 24 months.2 So try not to compare your grief to other losses or rush through your feelings.
Don’t let people tell you how to feel
Not everyone has experienced a deep bond with a pet, which may lead some people in your life to make dismissive comments like “it was only a cat” or “just get a new dog”. Not everyone in your life may be able to relate to the depth of your grief — Those whose everyday routine is anchored to the care of their pet and those who rely on them as a source of unconditional love, the loss can be just as difficult—if not more—than the loss of a human. “It’s very hard for anyone else to understand your connection other than the other people who know your pet,” Dr. Dardashti says. That said, try not to let people’s comments upset you. Your grief is 100% valid.
Express your needs
Since pet grief isn’t really discussed, a lot of people aren’t entirely sure how to be supportive. It’s a very big loss and people don’t always know what to do – So sometimes you have to ask for what you need.
This will look different for everyone. For some people, grief makes them lose sight of their basic needs. “When we lose a relationship, it can disrupt biological functions, especially if there are certain daily routines tied to your pet,” Dr. Skritskaya says. So you could simply tell your friend it would mean a lot to you if they sent you some “Have you eaten anything today?” texts throughout the week.
If your basic needs are being met, here are some other ways you could ask for support:
Ask a friend to go for a walk. You could even schedule this for the times when you’d normally take your dog out for their morning or evening walks. It can help take the edge off feelings of sadness and loneliness that crop up from the loss of your normal routine, and it will get you out of the house.
Ask your loved ones to send you photos. See if your friends and family would be willing to dig through their photo albums to send pictures of all the good times you’ve had with your pet over the years. You can use these photos to create something special (which we’ll talk more about later). Having a project to complete can give you a new purpose during your time of grieving.
See if anyone needs a dog sitter. While you’re probably not ready to go out and get a new best friend, spending time with other animals you love may help ease some of your pain. Jumping in to care for another animal can help take you out of your head and get you back into a routine.
Connect with other pet guardians who are grieving
Humans don’t grieve well alone, Dr. Skritskaya says. “Grief is meant to be shared, and it might be harder with the loss of a pet because of the stigma,” she says. “But there are other people who have experienced a profound loss like that.”
If you don’t have any friends or family who understand what you’re going through, that’s okay. There are lots of pet-loss support groups you can join online or in real life. Here are a few places to start:
Happy Dog has partnered with a certified grief specialist (LCPC, CGP) to create a space where pet loss is seen, heard and de-stigmatized.
Animal Talks is a non-profit organization specifically tailored toward pet grief. They offer monthly Zoom support groups.
Lap of Love brings together a network of veterinarians and offers free Zoom support groups, as well as for-pay counseling and pet-loss courses.
To find in-person support groups, call your vet or check local Facebook groups to find one in your area.
Sometimes just sharing your sadness with someone is enough to help you process your grief, so you can get back to feeling a bit more like yourself.
No matter how you decide to move through this difficult time, know that your life shouldn’t be void of joy just because you’re grieving. Small joys or small pleasures can help us tolerate the pain. So try to take time to do the things you love. Go for a walk. Get your nails done. Grab a coffee with a friend. Even if it only makes you feel better for a little while, it’s a great start.